My pain has decreased A LOT. Not only that, but my strength and mobility have increased. She has me doing things I was either scared to do, or thought I couldn't do, like balance my entire body on my right hand and arm, the side where I had my mastectomy and lymph nodes removed. Previously, any time I tried to put my weight on that arm (like, for a push up or yoga plank or something), my arm would shake and not be able to hold my weight. As of last night I was not only putting all of my weight on that one arm, but I was balancing on that arm, AND had my leg lifted well into the air.
And besides just working on stretches to reduce pain, and weights to improve strength and muscle tone in my chest and arms, Megan also has me working my legs and hips, which are especially good for me because I have osteopenia in my hips, and want to work on strength in my legs so I can get back to yoga, and be even more prepared for my 5K this spring. And also, just to have good muscle tone. We had QUITE a workout last night. My legs are actually sore today, which I'm surprised about since I not only run, but do the bicycle, so I THOUGHT my muscles were good there. But we were doing squats and lunges and other painful things and it was amazing.
Getting a physical therapist was probably one of the best things I could do for myself during this healing process. Sure, I could lift weights on my own, and workout on my own, or run with Sean, which I do, but only she knows exactly what I need to get BETTER. Exercise helps. And I'll never stop that. But Megan has addressed so many more issues. It's the little things, like being able to lift my right arm all the way in the shower without feeling excruitiating pain, that make a difference. If I can live my daily life and do my daily activities with even a little LESS pain than before, my mood will improve, and in turn, my body will improve, and in turn, well, you get the idea. Healing is both physical and mental, but the two work so very closely together. I am so grateful to have found Megan, and to be working on getting my strength and mobility back. I've got to be as strong as I can, now and forever.
Besides exercise, I have a "Marjie pre-wedding wellness/beauty plan" (not sure if the name is actually that long), but it consists of a variety of things I felt I had to actually write down because, when I was working, didn't have time to do. Simple things, like exfoliating my face and conditioning my hair (yes, I admit, I didn't always have time to condition before), are going to make me feel and look better. In a previous post I had written about things I'd scheduled for myself, for pre-wedding beauty and wellness, and well, feel-good-ness, like facials, massages and pedis. In between those things I am going to make even MORE of an effort to drink more water, eat plenty of fruits and veggies, take my multivitamins, get exercise (thanks to Megan and Campbell this should not be a problem!), and take CARE of my hair, skin, nails, etc. I've always been really good about that. Eyebrows always waxed, fingernails always polished. But now, I have some more time for these things. And I'll need it - apparently the Crest Whitestrips I bought are the leave-on-for-three-hours-kind. Wow. But they are supposed to last three months. It makes me feel good to know I'm taking care of myself, especially now. I want to feel my absolute BEST now and on March 31. I want to radiate. I want to glow. And I believe I have made choices that allow me to do that for myself. And it feels great. (Picture: part of my pre-wedding beauty plan: Crest Whitestrips, 100% Pure night cream, and heating pads for my upper back, not that I need them much anymore).Each day I see progress, in more ways than one. That was the goal, after all. To finally have progress. I feel like it took 10 months to start. But at least it started.
Today is supposed to be in the 60s. I think I'll make sure to get over to Tudek Park and walk a few laps. Continue to clear my mind, de-stress and focus on progress. After all, these things don't just happen. Progress and healing don't just happen. I have to work at them every day. Now, the difference is, I have the energy to, and I have the patience to. And I can see very clearly now, MYSELF. And I can see why it's IMPORTANT to see myself. Before, I was jumbled and tangled in thorns and a web. I wasn't sure which way was up. I wasn't sure if I was trying too hard, or not enough. I wasn't sure how to BE. Today, I see progress.
What are the ingredients for progress? Coffee, sun, a puppy, an upcoming wedding, plans with friends and family, physical therapy, exercise, a "beauty plan," supportive family and friends. And Sean, my amazing fiancee. He saw the importance of me seeing myself before I did. He knows my physical pain every day, and wants, along with me, for that pain to go away. He supports my decisions, my wellness, my healing, my progress, my life. I have found my soulmate, my life partner. I could do none of this without him. Without his support, passion, understanding, patience and love. So THIS is what it feels like, to have found the one person you never want to leave your side, for the rest of your life? A feeling that could NEVER, in a million years, be described by words. A peaceful feeling, deep down, that your life is complete. That your life has just begun. That you are SO EXCITED for your life to continue, with this person. There are no words, and there never will be. But that's the beauty of it; that it's a feeling, a strength, a passion. It is all of those things, and more. In 24 days I'll be married to this man. And my life will begin again, every single day.
People often ask the age-old question: What is the meaning of life? I discovered this answer when I was very young. I always said: The meaning of life is to live. I still believe that to be true. But I also believe the definition of living changes every day, and through every life event and happening. If there is ever even just one day you feel like you're REALLY LIVING, that's good enough. That's your meaning. Because, I also believe, if you have the ability to LIVE one day, you have the ability to live EVERY DAY.
Before I ramble on and get too much more philisophical, I'll end on this note: every day is a challenge. But every day is progress. Because every day you get a little older, a little wiser, a little stronger. Even if you don't feel it, it's happening. I definitely didn't feel it before, and even now, it's a struggle to feel it, and to believe it. But you have to believe that. Believing it is progress in itself.
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