My daughter plays soccer in a tutu

At two years old plus some change, I am so proud of Adele. She's strong and independent. She has so many interests, including singing, dancing, coloring, riding her tricycle, playing ball, running through the sprinkler, swimming, the list goes on and on. Often people ask me if she's a "girly girl" or more of a "boy." Of course I don't believe in gender stereotypes, and Sean and I encourage play no matter what its associated gender may be.

Giggling with Claire in the park!

But to answer the question more or less, Adele is the best of both worlds: she is girly and a tomboy. She loves trucks (especially diggers and fire trucks) and soccer and football, but also loves wearing her tutu and trying on my bracelets. She loves to wear pink and asks me to paint her "toenails" (which means fingernails). She loves taking care of her dollies but also running around in the dirt and playing in the sandbox. She loves climbing the jungle gym at the park, but also loves picking out bows to wear in her hair. She loves wearing her "flies" - her fairy wings, but loves running around with the big kids. She's truly her own person. Her interests are her own. There is no gender to them. Trucks and tutus, it's all Adele.

Swimming with Andrew!

Being a mother consistently becomes more and more rewarding, as I see Adele continue to flourish, not with just her learning of new words and tasks, and gross and fine motor skills, but as she grows into her own person. If I were to name all of her interests and write down everything she loves, it would take pages and pages and more words than I could count. Her passions are endless.

As my primary role is Mommy, and as my Mommy hat is my main hat, my world revolves around Adele's growth and health. Every day I am planning her meals and snacks, packing for her next trip, doing her laundry, setting out her clothes for the week, tidying up her bookshelf, organizing her crayons and coloring books, and planning developmental activities to enhance her learning and skills (just this past weekend I drew an alphabet hop scotch on the sidewalk with chalk, so Adele could practice her balance and letters by jumping from one letter to the other). I'm also preparing for her milestones, as she continues to learn how to use the potty, wash her hands, put on and take off her clothes, etc. I'm giving her more tasks, such as clearing her plate off the table and helping me with the laundry.

Swinging with the big girls! We had an awesome time at the Dubler's BBQ!

But tonight I'm going to yoga, after a few months' hiatus (yikes!) because I know as much as I'm tired and love resting after work, it's good for me to stretch out and work on my muscles. Since my last Tour de Pink I've put away the bike for now and been doing yoga and TRX. No matter what, even if I can't make it to an exercise class, I fit exercise into my daily routine, whether it's a 45 minute walk around campus during my lunch break, or lifting weights in my room. Plus, chasing after Adele - a 28 pound toddler, keeps me active pretty much every second of the day. I know staying active is important. It's important as a cancer survivor, and also as a mommy. The best way to be a good mommy is to take care of myself. Adele is my world. In order for me to give her the world, I have to make sure I'm good - healthy, happy, rested - in it.

Each day I'm continued to be amazed at how wonderful this role is, and how me and Sean work together as a team. How we are raising our family. How we are planning for the future. I hope, through practice and patience, it becomes easier to push the breast cancer in the back, and only think about LFS when I'm getting a scan or visiting the doctor. I've given plenty of time and energy to the breast cancer and to cancer in general. It's time for that to take a back seat. Worrying about what may or may not happen is a waste of time and an energy-sucker. Like I wrote in my last post, we have to live like I'm healthy, because as much as it's hard for me to believe, I AM healthy.

July 4 style

Will I accept that fully? Maybe. Maybe not. But to live the best in my own world I have to practice believing it. To give my world to my daughter and to our family. It's scary to live like I'm healthy. With YSC sisters dying and getting cancer again, it's scary to live like I am healthy, because if I let the breast cancer slide too far back in my mind, I fear it could sneak back in. But I must remember, and this is something I learn through therapy, that worrying about cancer doesn't "prepare" me, if it were to happen again. It just takes my energy.

Piggy back rides and fairy wings!

If I were to look at believing I'm healthy like a big comfy chair, then it is something I need to fully sit in. Right now, and for the past five years, I've been on the edge of the chair, the edge of the seat. I am allowed to sit in it now. And it would be in my best interest to do so.

(Above: photos from July 4 weekend 2016)