How much more can we take?

FYI: I'm writing this post pissed off and on little sleep. And I don't have a censor today. SORRYNOTSORRY. 

Do you know how utterly exhausting it is to FEEL EVERYTHING? SO DEEPLY?

Many of you do. 

I've always felt everything - every emotion of every other person, especially people close to me, so deeply, to my core and my soul that it's made me sick. They say when you have children it's like wearing your heart outside of your body for the rest of your life. That's me, times a million, before Adele, and now with Adele, a million bajillion times more. I can actually feel my heart hurting from loving someone (Sean, Adele) so much. 

What happened in Las Vegas over the weekend has left me DEPLETED. Like so many of us. How much more can we, literally and figuratively, bleed?!

And I don't just mean how much more of this can we take before we make it HARDER TO GET GUNS IN THE UNITED STATES, and also, how much more of this can we take? Just how much more? How much more energy do we have? To endure this pain?

I don't have any connections to what happened in Las Vegas. But like so many Americans feel, that festival is ALL OF US. 

That festival represents all of us, in that this could happen, AND DOES, all over the United States. At schools, movie theaters, festivals. We're just people in the United States. Going to things and living life. And it has become so dangerous. So maddening. How much more can we take? 

I feel shredded. I didn't sleep at all last night. I learned what I needed to about the shooting, and tried to avoid the news after work and for the rest of the evening, binge-watching my DVR'd episodes of Younger. Trying to remove myself to find some peace. Because when you feel everything, all the time, you get depleted. My heart literally feels like it's been stabbed, my gut twisted. I feel so heavy, like it's such a burden to carry on the day, when something like this has happened. How do we get up, put on our shoes, care for our families, ourselves, and carry on the day? How many more times can we get up after we've fallen?

I don't have an answer. I don't have a solution. All I have is my feelings and I didn't know what else to do with them except put them here. Because it's become too much to bear. There are no words I could possibly type that could begin to describe how sickening what happened is. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels shredded. To pieces.