A constant beauty

I think one reason pink roses and pearls were such an important part of my wedding is because their beauty is everlasting.

No matter what you’re going through in life, no matter how heart-wrenching, sad, devastating, confusing … the seasons keep changing and rosebuds always, without fail, spring up out of the ground.

As spring is (kind of) here in Happy Valley and flowers are starting to bloom, including pink rosebuds, I am reminded that life moves on and the seasons change, no matter what happens in life.

When there was so much uncertainty during my breast cancer journey, pink roses were always beautiful and pearls were always perfect and classic.

And my wedding. That was something that was always beautiful, no matter what. The surgeries in between. The scars and the crying and the pain and the waiting and the uncertainty: those were not. They were hard. They hurt. But the wedding was always there. It was always upcoming. And it was always beautiful.

It was beautiful when I only had one breast.

So much in life is reliant upon health and events and what happens to you. So much in life has to be altered by things you can’t control. So much in life is cancelled by the unexpected and devastating.

But pink roses are always beautiful. It’s like they are untouched by life events. They are pretty and they are delicate and they are bright. They have a calming presence.

And pearls are timeless. They are perfect and shiny and precious; a true symbol of femininity and beauty in the past, the present and the everyday.

And my wedding. It was still being planned and it still happened even when I had breast cancer. And like pink roses that grow each spring and pearls that are flawless and timeless, my wedding was untouched. Its beauty, its meaning, its purpose, its spirit, untouched. It was beautiful between it all.

A lot of that had to do with me making the decision to not let anything get in the way of my wedding. But a lot of it had to do with nature. Something that is meant to be beautiful all the time will be beautiful all the time, no matter what happens to it or during it or around it.

Pink roses. Pearls. My wedding.

Our new house, which is scheduled to be ready in only a few weeks, will have a white picket fence and pink rose bushes. Those things will help make our new home always beautiful, no matter what happens in the future. And the rest is natural: our new home will be beautiful because it is meant to be beautiful. Because something that is meant to be beautiful all the time will be beautiful all the time, no matter what happens to it, during it or around it.

On a completely separate note, I received my Tour de Pink bike earlier this week! It is absolutely perfect! I am so lucky, blessed and honored to receive this donation from the Young Survival Coalition/Tour de Pink and Liv/Giant, the bike manufacturer. Now I can start training with the actual bike I’ll be riding Tour de Pink with!

I was also lucky enough to be asked by the YSC to share my story in an email to go out to young breast cancer survivors to encourage them to register for Tour de Pink. A copy of the email here:

Dear Marjorie,

Will you join me and 100 other survivors riding in Tour de Pink®?

In April 2011 at the age of 26, two months after getting engaged, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I planned my wedding, got married and honeymooned in Europe in the midst of six surgeries: a double mastectomy and reconstruction.

Today I am healthy and strong and have made it part of my mission to reach out to women, share my story and challenge myself, both in mind and body.

I know that life brings the unexpected. That's why I believe in living each day to the fullest, and in challenging myself when given the opportunity. I am thankful each day my body is capable of physical activity, and I want to bring out the absolute best in myself.

I’m riding in my first Tour de Pink for other young breast cancer fighters and survivors. I want to make sure young women with breast cancer don’t travel this journey alone. I want to make sure no other young women are turned away from their doctors because they are “too young to get breast cancer.” I want to meet and connect with other survivors like you. It’s women like you who give me strength and inspire me, and I only hope I can do the same for you.

And I’m riding for myself. For the challenge, for the experience, and because I know I can do it. With the unwavering support of my husband Sean, and my amazing family and friends, I can accomplish anything.

I’m ready for the future, and breast cancer will not stand in my way. Join me and register today for Tour de Pink!

• East Coast: 9/27–9/29: Philadelphia, PA to Washington, DC
• West Coast: 10/18–10/20: Thousand Oaks to Huntington Beach, CA

You help change the lives of other young breast cancer survivors everywhere; join me on this incredible adventure.

Sincerely,

Marjorie S. Miller
Survivor, First Time Tour de Pink Rider

I received an email this morning from another young survivor who got the Tour de Pink email and reached out to me. She was also diagnosed in her 20s with DCIS, and was planning her wedding through it all, just like me! She recently started a nonprofit with another young survivor friend of hers, Fighting Pretty, which caters to young women with breast cancer.

After exchanging a few emails with her today I learned we have much more in common than I thought. She, too, believes there’s not a lot of support for young women with breast cancer, since many of the support groups by her in NYC, and by me, mostly have older women. She believes it’s important young women have a place to go for support and for beauty tips, such as wearing red lipstick while going through chemo, or putting on high heels to go to the doctor’s office. She understands the importance of these resources – websites, groups, networks. Young women with breast cancer ARE rare, but through her work and the work of the YSC (and hopefully my work with Pink and Pearls and me speaking in my local community), young women can connect with one another, and awareness can be raised and people can be educated. Because it DOES happen to young women and it needs to be talked about.

At Joel and Ashley's Arizona wedding earlier this month!

I was honored this young woman reached out to me, and honored that she did through an email she received from the YSC. The YSC works hard to share these stories in hopes of inspiring others, and they do, every day. It was the YSC that brought this woman to me – someone I have so much in common with. It warms my heart to know this other young woman not only beat her cancer, but she got married, is planning her honeymoon this July to Europe, AND started advocacy work for a cause she believes in. She took what she knew and loved and made it something that can and will impact others and change their lives.

At the end of my last email to her I responded to what she had said about never being “done” with breast cancer because you’re reminded of it every day when you look in the mirror. And I agreed. You are never really “done” because even though the cancer is gone and the surgeries or treatment is over, you still have your scars and you still have your new body and you still have a lifetime of screenings and tests and you still have fear of recurrence. I told her it is devastating that both of us went through such a scary, shocking and confusing experience at such a young age, especially during such an important times in our lives of planning our weddings.

And it’s true. And then that got me thinking. Yes, it’s true. It’s devastating. The cancer. Having our breasts removed. All during our weddings. And our futures of pregnancy issues and screenings and fear and scars and life will never be the same.

But we have each other.

I don’t KNOW her, but I know her. And we have the YSC. And we have Fighting Pretty. And we have all the other young women who are breast cancer fighters and survivors who share their story every day. We have this whole community. We are small but we have it.

And that beauty is everlasting. That beauty will never go away. Because it’s meant to be forever. The beauty of the human spirit is never faltering. Telling your story of pain and telling your story of triumph and strength. Telling it openly and honestly for millions and millions of reasons. That’s us. I have her and I have the other women.

And that is constant. A constant reminder of life and hope. A constant piece of heart, of soul. A constant beauty.

Like pink roses, like pearls, like my wedding. The beauty in life is always there, untouched. Waiting for you to see it, to use it.

Fighting Pretty