Immersing myself: part 1

Since I’ve started training for Tour de Pink, there is no doubt my body has gone through, and continues to go through, serious changes. The number on the scale is going up, WHICH I HATE, but my clothes still fit and I’m getting more muscular and more toned. People keep telling me I’m losing inches but gaining muscle. Well, this SHOULD help me feel better, but it doesn’t. At least not that much.

I haven’t changed my eating habits, and it seems the more I exercise the “bigger” I get. It’s actually very frustrating. Trying to control my weight while training for a double century. In addition to riding 30 miles on the weekends, I run 3-5 miles about four or five days a week. And in addition to that I’m still weight training, though not as much since I’ve started biking.



I've raised more than $3,700 for the YSC!



This past Sunday Sean and I had our first real bike race: the 28-mile Linden Loop. We had just done 30 miles the weekend before, so I thought I was pretty ready. After all, when I registered I thought it was a GREAT way to get some competitive training in my regimen. True, true, true: all of those things. But MAN was that ride rough.

Not only was I the slowest with the worst bike (little Pinky is only 7-speed and has huge, short tires), but I was the least trained out of everyone. I got lost and came in last, and my amazing husband Sean actually came back to look for me instead of finishing the race before me like he could have. We finished the last few miles together.

First long training ride with Sean!

The route was extremely hilly; hillier than anything I’d ever ridden before. Rolling hills. Yes, welcome to Central Pennsylvania. Despite that, it was a gorgeous day and the riders were nice and supportive of me, which was especially apparent as I had to walk my bike up some of the steepest hills.

Because we were riding in a group I pushed myself harder than I ever have. I guess I have to remind myself I have only just started training, this was my first real organized bike race, AND my little Pinky is not the best for riding hills and long distances. So it was tough. But I did it. I finished.

It's finally spring in Happy Valley! With Audrey at girls' night last week

There was part of me, during the miles I was truly by myself on the open road, I felt kind of brave. Don’t get me wrong: there was nothing to panic or be worried about. I had my cell phone, people knew I was on the ride, and I had my race bib on. But I felt like I was on an adventure. My own personal adventure. I especially felt this after getting lost and then being pointed in the right direction again. I was miles behind everyone else, the bright sun was beaming down on me (hi Mommy and Grandma, YES, I WAS wearing sunscreen), and it was just me and my little pink bike. I knew I had a long ways to go. I knew I had hills up ahead. I knew everyone else would be waiting for me at the finish line. I knew I could take my time. And I knew I could get there. I pushed and pushed, and Sean came and we got there together. It was hard but I did it.

Lauren and myself at girls' night last Thursday!

I found out last week I qualified, as a survivor, to receive a FREE bike from Liv/Giant to ride on the tour, which I am so excited about! It should come to me in about two weeks, and I can start training with it. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pinky, but I need something a little more serious: a road bike with 10 speeds. I know it will make the hills easier.

Speaking at the Powerful Women Paving the Way conference April 19! Such an amazing experience!

So as I’m immersing myself, if you will, in training, I’m gaining muscle. I’m gaining strength. My thighs are hard as a rock. It feels great to be able to ride 30 miles. It feels great to be able to run 4 miles in the morning before work and feel ENERGIZED afterwards. But maybe what I didn’t expect with all this training was that my body would change. I would actually get muscle. Who knew?! And yes, that means the scale is going up and I want to cry every day because of it.

I’m really only about 1-2 pounds higher than I’d like to be, but I’m trying to remind myself: I’m training for a double century, for goodness sake! I’m pushing my body harder than I EVER have, in my entire life. I guess I should have expected this. But for everyone who knows me, they know I watch very carefully what I eat, and since starting Weight Watchers nearly three years ago, I write down everything I eat every single day, with the exception of my wedding day and the days following surgery. So you can imagine how hard this is for me to watch what I eat, count my points and write it down, only to have the scale go up. Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE being toned and having muscle, and knowing I can probably outrun some people and kick other people’s asses. I love that. I’m strong. But I feel a little out of control. With this new strength comes a new body. And it’s hard. I’m in transition.

Campbell is getting big!

So I tell myself: right now, I am immersed in cycling. I signed up for Tour de Pink, and it’s one of the most important things in my life right now. To get through this ride. To raise money. To do this for myself and for other young women. This is my cause right now. This is my strength, my drive. If I have to gain a few pounds (of muscle!) in the process, I guess I will. I don’t have a choice. I have to train. I can’t be a blob on the couch with this race four months away. I have to be ready to tackle 60-90 miles a day in September. I have to be ready for this for so many reasons. After the ride I can go back to “normal,” although now I don’t know what that is. The feeling I get from running and cycling cannot be matched by anything. And now those things will probably be a part of my life. I’ll never call myself an athlete or a runner or a cyclist. Never. But I can say I run and I cycle. I can say those things make me happy. They make me feel good about myself, they make me strong. They are a part of me now. And I love them.

I always knew I would run after breast cancer. But I never imagined I’d run like this.