Expanders and clouds

Tuesday I had my post-op appointment with my plastic surgeon, and he said everything looked great, and he is ready to start the expansion fills next week! He estimates (if all goes according to plan and there are no complications/issues with healing), I will need 4-5 fills (so 4-5 weeks of going to Hershey once a week). That is AMAZING! He said we can move a little faster this time around because I have extra skin on the right from the lat flap surgery, and my left has already been stretched a little because I had an implant in there.
My doctor also believes he can have everything done (including the exchange surgery when I get my expanders taken out and my silicone implants put in) - by the end of NOVEMBER! Incredible.
I so much dreaded, and for good reason, doing the expansion process all over again, but if it has to be done again, at least it can be done this way: quickly. That's not to say it won't be extremely painful. But this time around I'm not dealing with what I was last time, which was planning my wedding, the questions surrounding my breast cancer and surgery and treatment options, and my Li Fraumeni Syndrome diagnosis. Now, the wedding has happened and it was amazing. The honeymoon has happened and it was amazing. Of course more amazing things are coming up (weddings, bridal showers, birthdays, babies being born), but there's less pressure. I'm not planning my OWN wedding or having my OWN baby. (at least that's not the plan yet!). We can focus on getting these expansions done. Focus on finally finishing my reconstruction. Finally putting the breast cancer behind me.
And sure, it won't be pleasant. If you read my blog last year about how painful and debilitating the expander was (just ONE that first time), you'll know I'm in for a rough ride. Pain and agony. Every day, and with every move. I've been through it. But this time around, like I said, there's less pressure and less stress. Less time constraint. Less pressure to be done by a certain time so I can walk down the aisle. So maybe with less pressure and less stress I'll be more relaxed, and my mind will be more at ease, and maybe, just MAYBE, that will help me get through these 4-5 weeks a little easier.
And I don't have the 45 minute commute anymore. I am currently working part-time only five minutes away. As I'm recovering, and as the expansions go forward, that will take SO much stress and pressure off of me. Work is close and flexible.
So there are many factors this time around that can help this expansion go smoothly, and I'm counting on those. The biggest though, is that I don't have breast cancer anymore. The biggest is I now feel safe, less anxious, about breast cancer. The biggest is knowing that in a few short months I'll have my body back - my permanent implants. And life will move on. Regular bras and all.

So yes, the end of this summer and this coming fall will be hard. It will be painful. But like last time, I'll get through it the best way I know how. I may have to limit my activities because of pain, so I will. But I'll still make time for fun and girls' nights and coffee dates and shopping, because fun keeps me going. I'll find balance - something I had a lot of trouble doing last time around, last year.
But life is different now. Without even trying too hard, I already AM finding balance, and I already DO feel balanced. I am in a happy place. I am the happiest I've ever been. Happily married with an amazing husband and an amazing (bitey, jumpy) dog and an amazing job and amazing friends and family and amazing plans and amazing spirit and strength. Yes, I said it. Amazing spirit and strength. Mind over matter.

The surgery I so much dreaded is already over, and I'm well on my way to full recovery. Two more weeks and I'll be able to exercise again. And today I started work again - at exactly two weeks since the surgery. I'll start small for a while - 4-hour days, and then see how I feel once the expanders start.
Mind over matter, and spirit and strength. I'll use those tools. I have them, so I'll use them. And I'll get through these expansions, and live my life while doing it. Because I've got love surrounding me on all sides. And that love pushes me up every day. The love of Sean and Campbell and my family and friends. Everyone who cares about me pushes me up. Sometimes it feels like they push me up onto clouds. And sitting atop a cloud, how uncomfortable can expanders really be?!

I got through my biggest and toughest surgery. I'll get through these expanders. I'm so close to the end. That's enough drive for me. That's everything.

(Photos above: a few snapshots from my iPhone over the past few days)