A few thoughts on life and my bones

UGH. My doctor wants me to go on Fosamax. In all honesty, this is long overdue and I’ve been trying to avoid it for years.

I’ve had osteopenia, the stage before osteoporosis, since college, or maybe before then. But college was the first time I had a Dexa-scan to look at my bone density. I’ve had them every few years since then. Besides this recent exam, my last Dexa was around the same time as my breast cancer diagnosis in spring 2011. My oncologist at the time told me my osteopenia wasn’t improving, and Fosamax was mentioned by Dr. Kass. I quickly refused. I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and wasn’t sure if I was going to need chemotherapy or hormone drugs. The last thing I wanted was another medicine.

So I started a heavy Vitamin D supplementation, which actually significantly improved my Vitamin D levels in my blood. But my bones are still thinning, and after this last Dexa, it was decided we need to intervene. I mean, I hate being on medication if I don’t have to be. But at the same time, I don’t want to have osteoporosis and brittle bones by the time I’m 40. I want to be able to run, lift weights and do yoga and not worry about my bones breaking.

So I agreed. Two years on one-half of the regular dose, since Fosamax is used to treat osteoporosis, which I don’t have. I have the stage before.

I know I don’t eat a lot of dairy. But I do eat a nonfat Greek yogurt every day and the occasional slice of pizza. But I don’t put cheese on anything and I don’t drink milk. BUT I sometimes use almond milk, and I thought maybe, just maybe, with my daily yogurt and occasional dark leafy greens, nut-eating, multivitamin and Vitamin D supplements and weight-bearing exercises, maybe, just maybe, I’d be OK. But nope. Time to intervene.

UGH. I hate medicine. I go out of my way to AVOID chemicals. I read the ingredients on everything. Food, drink, medications. I look for dyes, preservatives and long names of things I don’t understand. Of course I’ll have the occasional Red 40 (blech) in a bag of Swedish fish, and I do still eat less-than-natural products. But I look at every food label and make the best choices I can every single day. So it sounds counterproductive to deliberately insert pharmaceutical chemicals into my body.

I’ll try prunes and apple cider vinegar before resorting to an over-the-counter laxative. I try heavy hydration before popping an Advil for a headache. I’d rather NOT take prescription sleep meds (Ambien), but sometimes I do, and other times I try to use Melatonin and/or Kava. I try to avoid meds when I can. I needed the Zoloft when I did, but was eager to go off it. It helped tremendously and I was glad it was there when it was the best option, but I worked hard to get off it.

Obviously, with all my previous surgeries the pain medications and anesthesia was unavoidable. And any time there is an illness. My life comes first and I do believe medications save lives. But in my day to day life, I opt for the closer-to-the-earth version. So Fosamax? Not entirely part of that plan.

But I need to be strong to be healthy, and I need to be strong for our future child, so I guess the intervention starts now. I’ve been avoiding it for so long. Time to work on my bones. UGH.

I see the benefit in this, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. But just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I won’t do it. My doctor told me to, so I will.

First and foremost, my doctors know best. They know me, they know my past, they are concerned about my future. I’ll take the damn Fosamax if it means I will have strong bones and can continue to live my life the best possible way. I’ll frown when I take it but I’ll take it.

And please, no need to list all the possible side effects and complications associated with Fosamax. I am the Googling medicine queen. I know them all. They terrify me. But it has been decided the benefit is potentially greater than the risk, and the best part is, I can go off it anytime.

On another note, all is well and well and well. It’s been a cold few days but it is sunny today and warming up! I’m excited to head to Philly this weekend for our workshop, and excited to hop on a plane next Thursday to go to Florida!

Plus my friend Lauri’s bachelorette weekend is in the works for April, and I’ve been helping out a little with the planning, so I am so, so excited for a fun weekend with the girls!

I was watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night (please don’t judge; I watch for the clothes and the shoes) and it was the episode about Brandi’s book release and book signing. It made me SO excited to write Pink and Pearls, the book. I know I have a long, long way to go. I haven’t even started my proposal, haven’t even sorted through my posts, haven’t written my introduction. Omg I haven’t done anything. But I will. I am going to write our adoption book first, and then I can concentrate on P&P. Anyway, I just got really excited about the end result, which is pretty typical of me. I think that excitement and drive will help me power through the actual work. But you can count on this: Pink and Pearls WILL be a book and you will all be invited to my book signings! Typical of me, yes, to plan the party before the actual work is done.

Feel free to leave suggestions about my book in the comments section. As of now the plan is to organize every single post and pick which ones will be part of the book, with editing of course. The book will only be about the beginning of my blog – the breast cancer and wedding planning. That’s the focus of the book, and my target audience is women of all ages. So I am open to any suggestions you have. It will be in “diary” style with different blog entries and little blurbs here and there explaining and describing those posts. I am super excited about this project, no matter how long it takes. I am just so grateful I started blogging when I did. All of it is captured here and I can’t wait to let those words fly.

A book makes so much sense. I’ve been writing “books” since I was a little girl. I have notebooks full of books I started in elementary school, middle school and high school. It only makes sense that a book is part of my life. I’ve always been a writer. And I have something to share.

And I am lucky to have the support of my husband for literally every single adventure and endeavor. He has always encouraged me and supported me in every decision, from my jobs to my volunteering to my writing to my public speaking. He encouraged, supported and helped promote Pink and Pearls the blog, and he’s so excited about the book version. Everything I’ve ever done, he’s been supportive of. And not only that, he truly believes I have it in me to do anything. He’s believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. He knew right away I would ride my bike from Philadelphia to Washington, D.C. He knew right away I’d get up in front of an audience and tell my story, both without notes through The Moth, and with notes at Pink Zone and Penn State sporting events. He was there taking pictures when I walked down the aisle in the Pink Zone’s fashion shows. He shares on Facebook and Twitter every single Pink and Pearls blog post and every single article I write for The Gazette.

He encourages me to attend conferences and seminars and to get involved. He encourages my travel with friends. He supports my involvement with Hadassah and Pink Zone and the PA Breast Cancer Coalition. He supports my millions upon millions of party planning ideas, like a champagne brunch I’m planning for the spring. He’ll even take Campbell out of the house so I can host my girlfriends and make a frittata.

And when my three girlfriends came to visit for a weekend in November, he waited patiently in the house while we talked loudly and laughed for hours over a few bottles of wine.

He is the best husband in the world. He gets my passions and he lets me run with them, every single day. Everything I’ve ever done – from my crazy wedding planning ideas to Pink and Pearls to Tour de Pink to my professional life to my social life to every single aspect of my life – he’s been supportive of.

I couldn’t have done, and couldn’t continue to do, what I’m doing if not for Sean. How lucky I am to have found someone who not only understands, but shares my soul.

And how lucky I am to have found ways to express this soul.

I know I so much want the party for my book signing. I so much love the finish line at the end of a race. But I must not lose sight of what gets me to that point. It’s hard work, dedication and commitment. Those things aren’t always easy, but they are worth it. Dedicating myself to something is half the battle.

I always say training for an athletic endeavor is half mileage and half mindset. Yes, you need to run, or bike, the miles. Yes, you need to train. You need to put in the hours.

And the mindset? It’s believing you can. If you believe you can run 10 miles you can run 10 miles.

If you believe you can write a book you can write a book.

If you believe you can appreciate everything in life you can appreciate everything in life.

Yes, you have to practice appreciation. Yes, you have to write. Yes, you have to run.

But the mind is so powerful. I forget that sometimes.

At my yoga session last Saturday, it was towards the end of sun salutations and I was exhausted. We had maybe one or two cycles left of the last pada. The instructor must have read my mind, because she said our bodies may be tired, but likely our minds are not. And that helped me power through the last of the cycles.

Right now I feel a true and deep appreciation of everything we have been given, and everything we have yet to accomplish. There are a lot of beautiful things on the horizon. The more I practice appreciation the more I feel it.

My body had felt tired these last few weeks with the cold and the winter and the darkness. I had been agitated and didn’t feel like myself. I had been slumpy and blah. But my mind told me good things, and sunlight, were right around the corner.

The mind never fails. It lets you know there’s more. So when my body was tired, my mind wasn’t. It was helping me plan for the next wonderful things.

It was helping me power through the last of the padas. I appreciate my mind for its ability to keep powering through, for planning the next thing, for helping me get excited about my next work or project.

And I appreciate my ability to know when and how to appreciate. It is such a simple thing and so often overlooked, but it is so very important.