1999

What's changed (and what's stayed the same) since 1999...

I was in my hometown in Virginia this past weekend at my mom's house for one of our fabulous engagement parties. When I'm at my mom's house I always look through my old photo albums, yearbooks and school notebooks. I came across a time capsule I made in 1999 that said "do not open until 2010." Well, I will admit, I had opened it in the past, but it had been at least three years since I'd done so, and considering it's 2011, I thought it was time to "officially" open it.
Looking at the contents got me thinking about what has changed, and what hasn't, since 1999, and how my life has been shaped over these past 10 years.
The first thing I read in the time capsule was a letter I wrote to myself in the future. I wrote it in December of 1999, when I was 15 years old. I remember writing that letter, and hoping that when I opened it at the age of 25 (thought I'm 26 now), I would lead a happy life and possibly be married! Little did I know when I wrote that letter that I actually WOULD have everything I had hoped for in the future. I have been working as a full-time newspaper reporter for the past three years, am engaged and planning my wedding, and live with my fiance in Pennsylvania in a fabulous place where we have friends, activities and events that keep our calendars full.
Also when I wrote that letter I was finishing up my Leukemia treatment (I was in treatment from 1997 until 2000). Though I didn't write out the words exactly, I implied in the letter that I hoped when I opened the time capsule 10 years later I would be healthy. It was kind of an eye-opener for me that 10 years ago in 1999 I was finishing cancer treatment, only to find I am dealing with cancer again. It was sad noticing that, and sad that at 15, I would have never expected to be dealing with what I am today. I told myself I'd make another time capsule, and hopefully 10 years later, not one, but both of my cancers will be a thing of the past.
In my letter I wrote about my friends. It's amazing to me that my best friends from 1999 are still my best friends today. I mention Adam, Karishma, Jenn, Rachel and Jordanna, and in fact, all of them are in my wedding party. It warms my heart to know that these people have stayed in my life, and remained a huge part of it, for so many years.
So my friends, though I've happily made many new ones, have stayed the same.
So what's one thing that's changed? My diet.
I wrote in the time capsule that my three favorite foods were gummy bears, Funyuns and cheesecake. Ugh. And yet, I also weighed 102 pounds.
So, that has definitely changed since I don't think I've touched a Funyun since 1999, I don't eat candy unless it's chocolate, and my cheesecake consumption, well, let's just say I try to minimize.
I also listed my favorite music and songs, and one band in particular, still remains a favorite after all these years: The Goo Goo Dolls. The Goo Goo Dolls have always meant a great deal to me, and still do, because I feel the music touches me in many ways. I own most of the cds and when I listen to the songs, no matter how long it's been, I always have a powerful reaction. I remember, sometime around 1999 or 2000 I tried to write a letter to The Goo Goo Dolls to tell them how much their music has touched my life. I must have started that letter 30 times, but could never find the words. I was overwhelmed with how much I wanted to tell them, and couldn't figure out a way to actually say, in writing, what I was feeling.
In the time capsule I saved a Teen magazine from 1999 which featured the boy bands from those days: 98 degrees, N'Sync, etc. I love reading magazines from the past to see how the style has changed. I think fashion in 1999 and the early 2000s was gross. Shiny, velour-like shirts, crazy hair ponytails and braids sticking up all over the place (think Melissa Joan Hart in the early seasons of Sabrina: The Teenage Witch), platform and bulky shoes, sparkly barretts, and of course, Bonne Bell. I must have owned 20 Lip Smackers flavors.
I wouldn't hesitate to say, for a second, that I am overwhelmed with happiness at where I am now in life. I actually couldn't have expected it to be so good. When I was 15 I was only hoping for these amazing things, but it was hard for me to actually picture them. I may be dealing with cancer again, 10 years later, but I'm going to be OK, like I was the first time. but ya know what? I have everything I've ever wanted and then some. Though it made me sad to see what I'm dealing with, health-wise, again, years later, looking at that time capsule garnered a positive reaction more than anything. If I saw pictures of myself today back when I was 15, I would be extremely pleased. If I knew who I was going to marry, or that I was a reporter for a newspaper, or that I have such a full life, I would be (well, happy isn't even the right word) ... I would be blessed, blissful, overjoyed. And that's how it is. Today, in 2011, at 26, I got everything (and more) that I had wanted for myself as a teenager, and still want for myself. This breast cancer, like my friend Tara said at dinner last night, and like many people have told me, is a bump in the road. Just that. Just a bump. One of the cards I got after my surgery, which is hanging on my refrigerator, says something like "In life a little rain must fall." And it's true. Just because I got cancer again doesn't mean my life is any less good. Bumps just happen, and you get over them, or through them or past them. My life today is overwhelmingly amazing. It's everything I wanted for myself back in 1999.
So that's one thing that hasn't changed: what I want for myself and what I believe I deserve.