Getting back to life

My apologies for not posting in nearly a week. I've spend the past week at home relaxing, which has been wonderful, and even got out for an afternoon on Saturday with Sean. We stopped at Starbucks for my fix. They have a new Thanksgiving blend which is really, really delish.
I had my second post-op appointment (this time with my doctor) this morning, and he said everything is healing really nicely, and now I can slowly get back to life. I can raise my arms above my head (yay!) which will make showering a lot easier. (It's the little things in life ...) I can also go back to work, drive, travel, etc. Just no heavy lifting or exercise for another few weeks. I will see him again in two weeks, at which time he'll hopefully clear me for those things, and for wearing underwire bras, which I'm really looking forward to with my "new rack." Thanks to some of my amazing girlfriends, I'll be able to do some shopping for myself at Victoria's Secret. Cannot WAIT to get a new bra!
Despite being kind of antsy - in I'm ready to go out and do stuff, I am very happy and relieved with everything. I wasn't sure how I would feel after my surgery. I THOUGHT I would feel happy and relieved - to have the expander out, to have my implants in, to have my last surgery done, to start feeling like myself again. And you know what? I am. All of those things, in full. Obviously all of my worries about my future health are not gone, but I didn't expect them to be, and they may not for a very long time. But what I did imagine actually has come true. I feel nothing but relief and happiness right now. To know I can make plans to travel, make plans with friends, wear clothes without worry, go to work without pain, drive without pain. Everything. Everything that will make my life back to normal is all happening. I still have to be patient these next few weeks and let myself heal. But I'm getting there, and it's all coming along. I AM happy. I AM relieved.
I think back at a few weeks ago, and how I was in my darkest days. In constant pain from the expander, and in constant worry and anxiety, about everything. It's almost like I was a different person then. I feel different, and the me with the expander feels like a distant me ... someone from my past. It doesn't feel like me anymore. I remember how I was a few weeks ago. I was always crying, always in pain, always anxious. I tried to get excited about life but I couldn't.
Now I feel like a new me. I really AM moving on. Slowly, but that's OK. Slowly is better than not moving on at all. I feel like a new person. I'm ready to get back to life. And I'm excited about it.
Hope and relief. I mentioned those words right before my surgery. And those two words best sum up how I feel right now. Relief that my expander is out, my pain will be gone, my surgery is over, I'm done with this chapter, and I'll be able to be me again. Hope that things will be OK. That I'll be able to work through my worries, and most of all, hope that I will get past this. It will always be a part of me. That will never change. But there's a big difference between something in your life being a part of you, and something in your life being all of you. I'm ready to move on and work towards this just being a part of me. A part of my story, my strength, my life.
So I'm getting back there. I'm doing it slowly and with patience, because I know it can only get better from here. That doesn't mean I won't have to work at it - physically and mentally. And it doesn't mean it won't take strength - physical and mental. But I have hope that it will keep getting better, and I have hope that I will allow it to.