Good times and milestones

Part of what's helped get me through these past few months, continiously, is little milestones, whether it be something I'm dreading or something I'm really looking forward to. Whether it be surgery or a party, a doctor's appointment or a friend visiting for a weekend. I always count down to these events, which have big meaning for me in one way or another. I countdown because I'm excited, and also I countdown if I dread something.
The good things, like parties and plans with friends, help move my life along. I get excited about an upcoming event or plan, and kind of centrally focus on that: what I'm going to wear, etc. And then during it, I take as many pictures as I can, so I can "re-live" the moment. Every time I look at pictures of a fun time, I am reminded of how full my life is and how great the people in it are. That's why pictures to me are so important. Sure, there's nothing remotely like living in the moment and taking it all in when experiencing something wonderful. But the pictures are there forever. They remind you of little details you may forget as years go by. They remind you of how you felt at a particular moment. So to me, pictures complete a fun time in my life. There's the event itself (the party, the wedding, a weekend of fun with a friend), but afterwards, I feel I can experience the joy all over again, and indefinitely. Pictures do that for me. They always have. I've always been a picture-person in that I'm snapping away at every possible moment. But since my breast cancer diagnosis, and since my Li Fraumeni Syndrome diagnosis, I give more power to pictures. They help remind me, on days I need it the most, that I do have a wonderful life, despite my recent health battles. That things CAN be OK, and I CAN and DO have fun and enjoy life. Sometimes I need these reminders. If I'm nervous about an upcoming doctor's appointment, or just if I'm in physical pain, looking at pictures remind me that things are OK too. That they're not all bad. That I am living life fully through all of this - something I aim to do every day.
So as good things fly by, they mark milestones. My 27th birthday. Hanukkah (our Hanukkah party and the family one in Virginia). The upcoming wedding we are attending this weekend in Philadelphia on New Years Eve. These things, which I spend so much time looking forward to and planning for, and then enjoy, come and go, reminding me that life moves on and things that I'm looking forward to ACTUALLY DO happen. (hint: this can refer to me believing my wedding will actually happen too!)
So looking forward to fun plans, and then actually having fun during them, and then looking at pictures after and re-living the moment, help life go by. I see each of these little parties and events as little polka dots in my timeline of life. Little fun, and sometimes sparkly, things. I love them. When they're over I'm not sad; I'm happy they happened, happy I enjoyed them. I'm happy that they happened. It means that life is happening, with little or no effort from me whatsoever. Meaning: it just happens. These things - these events - just happen. And I go and I love it and I'm there, in all my glory. It tells me that life HAPPENS. And that's perhaps one of the most important things I need to know. Life happens. How truly wonderful.
And the bad things. Not "bad" perse, but things I dread and am anxious about. Mostly doctor's appointments. I look at each one also as a little dot. And when they're over, another milestone accomplished. I got through this, I got through that. And I'm OK. I have various doctor's appointments every few weeks or so, though I imagine I'll have more in the future as part of my LFS monitoring. These appointments are both in State College and Hershey. They are with my obgyn, primary care doctor, plastic surgeon, oncologist, breast surgeon and dentist. All, repeatedly. There's regular check-ups, which I dread almost as much as, say, follow-ups. (My neck lump ultrasound coming up in a few weeks.) Even if there's nothing knowingly wrong, I still dread them. But that's because, well, you know. I always believe something is wrong with me, or that if I don't THINK something's wrong with me, a doctor will find something wrong with me. And understandably so. Especially with my recent LFS diagnosis, in which I have a high chance of getting cancer again. Especially after already having cancer twice. I have reason to be worried. But when I get through a doctor's appointment, I am relieved. I see it as success. That for that moment, I can move on, until I dread the next one. Getting through these appointments, which I try to mentally prepare for, are milestones for me. Sure, small ones, but milestones nonetheless. What that means to me is that, yes, I dread these appointments. But like fun plans, they, too, come and go. Meaning, I won't dread them forever. And that's definitely life happening.
So my good times are milestones, and my bad times are milestones, and my milestones are milestones. However big or small, these little dots help remind me, again and again, that life DOES keep going and the pedals on my bicycle ARE moving. This means the fun things I'm looking forward to DO happen (my bridal showers!), and the things I'm not so much looking forward to happen also, meaning they are not there for me to be anxious about forever. So I get my fun stuff, but I also get my not-so-fun stuff out of the way, to move on to other things.
I think it's good I can find milestones in every completed doctor's appointment, and that I can re-live life every time I look at pictures of a fun time. But most of all, I think it's good not only that I can force myself to keep going and keep moving and keep living, but that life, IN ITSELF, does that too.