Written on May 11, 2014

Written on May 11, 2014

We brought Adele Chaya home with us on April 28. She was born at 8:30 a.m. on April 26, and as you can imagine it's been a whirlwind since then! I haven't had two seconds to write so this will be fast. Between the sleepless nights and Feedings and diaper changes I have somehow learned to become a mother. Sean and I love Adele too much to put into words. Our love for her grows each day.

This is my first Mother's Day but we cannot yet share the news. I have thousands upon thousands of pictures of Adele starting from the day we left the hospital with her. We are in the 30-day period where the birth mom can still change her mind so we haven't told the masses the news, but we have told our entire families and the majority of our friends. It still hurts to not be able to share with the world the biggest and best blessing of our lives: our beautiful Adele. She is growing and thriving and beautiful and more precious than I could ever have imagined.

I am counting the days until May 31 when the 30 day period is over, and then will be waiting for the next big hurdle which is getting through the courts in 6-9 months. And then and then and then she will legally be ours and I can post the thousands of pictures.

Until then I am stirring.

Packages arrive every day from our friends and families. Cookies and flowers and clothes for Adele and our new diaper bag. And all the formula and the diapers and the wipes. I'm learning and I'm loving every second with her. This is the hardest and best thing I've ever done.

I learned real fast how to be a mom. We're still so much in the middle of all this. The nursery is under construction. Adele is our love and our joy. We have visitors almost every day and a meal train. And it's so overwhelming and it's too much to put into words. These past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. We are getting through and managing. I'll never be able to explain. Not now, not ever.

Somehow, some way I became a mom. I learned how to change a diaper. I learned how to change 5,000 diapers. I learned how to change 5,000 with poop on my hands. I learned how to make a bottle in record speed with a crying baby. And I look into her eyes and I love and I love and I love and I love and I love and I love. She is our whole world. 

All of a sudden there was Adele. All of a sudden, in two weeks notice, with no baby clothes and no crib and no nursery and no wipes we became parents. All of a sudden there was Adele.

While Adele is napping and Sean is mowing the lawn I want to take a few more seconds to get out some thoughts and emotions. It's been hard not having time to write, especially since writing is how I deal with what I'm going through and how I express myself.

There's been lots of crying of happy tears since we brought her home, and lots of stress knowing we are snack in the middle of the 30 day period when the birth mom can change her mind. Not that we believe she will, but fear is fear and it is still there. Meanwhile we love her and prepare her pink and lamb nursery and I look forward to picking out her clothes each day. And when she sleeps on my chest it is the best feeling in the world. And I still can't believe I'm a mom.

I know these blog posts are unorganized and jumbled but so are my thoughts. I feel so rushed and so stunted all at once. Like we are frozen in this 30 day period and the hurdles that await after the 30 days, yet life is bustling as we prepare our home for a new life, a new life that is our daughter.

All around us our families and friends are visiting and sending Adele things and sending wishes and calling and FaceTime 'ing. And all around us life as we know it has changed. I am taking 8 weeks off work. All around us everything is upside down. There's so much to do in the nursery, so much to prepare.