A great moment to live in (& final surgery scheduled!)

I titled this post with an exclamation point because it's really exciting that not only am I having my final surgery, but it's scheduled!
I will be getting my dreaded expander taken out (YES!) and my implants put in (on both sides) on Oct. 27. That is a little more than a month away. In expander time that feels like 10 million years. In the big scheme of life, it is nothing!
Just like with all my other surgeries, once they're on the calendar they become real, no matter how far away. Now I can finally visualize the end of all this, whatever doubts, fears or anxieties I have stored in the back of my mind about the future and my health in the future. But with this, the end is in sight. At the end of next month I'll have my permanent implants. And once I heal from that surgery and can go on my merry way, life will have moved in a little bit, and will continue to do so each day that goes by.
Dealing with the expander becomes slightly more tolerable (notice I say "slightly") knowing that it is coming out and that it is scheduled to come out. Driving to work in pain, sleeping in pain, sneezing in pain - those things are still terrible and devestating, but if I can remind myself, as they're happening, that they are temporary, I can cope a little bit better. So that's what I'm doing. Living each day as fully as I can, but always reminding myself the thing that's keeping me from living without pain (and sometimes despair caused by that pain) is coming out soon. Things will be changing soon. So the best way to wait for those changes is to do what I've been doing: keeping busy, making plans and looking to the future.
In other news (I like saying that phrase because I often dream of myself as a news anchor with a pink skirt suit and bob haircut), today (September 15) marks a special occasion.
Today is the one year anniversary of me joining Weight Watchers. (Sean joined with me only a week or so later).
As much as I am going to sound like a commercial saying this, it's true and this is my blog so I'm going to say it anyway. The program changed my life. Since this day a year ago I've lost some 50 pounds and changed my lifestyle and eating habits. I have tracked (written down) everything I've ever eaten for the past year. (Except for a day or two following my surgeries but I think that's allowed because I got right back to it as soon as the Percocet wore off and I could think again.)
I'm so proud of myself for not only losing weight and improving my health (less migraines, no more heartburn, less stomach aches, etc.), but for changing the way I look at food and eat food. First of all, I never EVER thought I could, at the age of 26, be the same jeans size I was in high school, or that I could ever be a "thin" person. I've never been "fat," or at least I don't think so. Sometimes I considered myself average, or something curvy, but never really large. But before Weight Watchers I was unhappy with myself. I wanted to change for ME. I wasn't feeling good and it was a struggle each day to get dressed because I felt nothing looked good on me and nothing fit right. Anyway, I could go on for like 17 hours (I could be a Weight Watchers spokesperson with J. Hud!) about how I eat healthier, feel amazing, and have never once deprived myself. But I won't. You get the idea. The program was and is life-changing for me, so today I'm celebrating one year of making a huge change in my health. It's possible, that because I lost weight on Weight Watchers, I might have found my lump sooner. And I truly believe being at a healthier body weight and having better eating habits overall helped me heal faster from my surgery. I say all the time how when I was diagnosed with breast cancer I was the healthiest I'd ever been in my whole life - running marathons and eating apples. :) Thank you to Weight Watchers for that. This journey might have been a little rougher had I been 50 pounds heavier.
Sean's also lost about 50 pounds and I am so incredibly proud of him. He's gone from French fries to apples, snacks on grapes for dessert, and can run 10 miles any given day, which is "no big deal" to him. He's improved his health now, and because of this, will continue to be a healthier adult. I want him around for as long as absolutely possible (can you get to at least 100, darling?) so thank you, again, Weight Watchers. I think of us as a power couple - with our egg whites and tracking. We want to be healthy for us and for each other, and for the future, because there's a lot coming up. There are some many diseases we can't control (hi, cancer, I'm thinking of you), so why not try to prevent the ones we think we can? Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. Being a now two-time cancer survior I want to treat my body (as everyone should, cancer or not), like a sacred temple. I want to keep it as fine-tuned as I can. That's not to say I exercise every day, because I don't. Or that I don't drink wine, because I do. Or that I don't eat ice cream, because I do. But I've learned the meaning of moderation, and I've learned that a healthy diet overall is what's important: fresh fruit and vegetables daily, plenty of water, whole grain and whole wheat for fiber, lean meat for protein and low fat or fat-free dairy. I always eat breakfast, eat fruit first if I'm craving chocolate, drink my coffee black, have my dressing on the side, avoid anything fried, and when I have wine, order it nice and red and dry, and limit it to one glass. (I say "try!")
So, enough about Weight Watchers. (I told you I could go on forever!) Let's talk about the wedding! The countdown is at less than 200 days! That's less than 7 months but more than 6. (See the countdown at the top of my blog for an exact number.) I get so excited when I get emails from TheKnot or other wedding sites I've joined or registered at when they say, at the top of the email: "Marjorie, only xxx days to go! Time to do xxx!"
One site recently told me it was time to get my veil and shoes. Oh my! Not quite there yet, but I HAVE ordered my "after" back-up shoes, which (if worn) will be done so after the wedding ceremony, and maybe even well into the reception. They are ballet flats (via David's Bridal) but the color and other details will be kept a secret. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to get two pairs of heels in addition. I know I'll need at least one really nice pair to walk down the aisle in and have on for most of the wedding. That pair can be fancy, schmancy and high to the sky. There are no limits with that pair. Comfort not considered. But a second heel? A lower heel for when the first pair comes off but I'm not quite ready to put on ballet flats? Good idea? I think so. An in-between shoe, if you will. A lesser heel than for the ceremony, but more than the flats. Something gorgeous, of course.
The two next big steps are hiring a photographer and videographer, and ordering the invitations. (Then stuffing them.) And then, two or so months later, we'll be into the details: scheduling our tasting, picking out rings and a Ketubah, and me having my "trial run" hair appointment. And then, even littler details: the guest book, wedding programs, out-of-town gift bags. It's really, really, really coming!
These next few weeks are going to be super fun: football games, a bridal shower, a "Martini Partini" we're hosting, Sean's birthday dinner, etc. Fun plans are happening. This is good. It will keep me busy until the end of October! But I'm not only "waiting" until October; I've got to remember to live it all up. Life doesn't stop while I'm waiting. So yes, I'm counting down until my surgery, but I also want to live in this moment, because it's a great moment to live in.
Je t'aime!
Marjie

*Up top: photo from our Mary Kay makeover night!