Things to celebrate TODAY

Happy Friday! While driving to work this morning I got to thinking about four major and exciting milestones and celebrations today, and the next few days, brings! Read on, my darlings!

1. Today, September 30, is Sean's birthday! Happy birthday, honey! I love you so much! I'm wishing you nothing but health, happiness and love this year, and all the years to come!

2. Tomorrow, Oct. 1, marks the official 6-month countdown to the wedding! I always said, many months ago, that when we got to the 6-month mark it would fly by. Well, six months still feels FOREVER away, but considering we've been engaged longer than that, and planning since February, it doesn't seem like that long. Bring it on! This also means, that because the wedding is six months away, four amazing, fun things will happen between now and then: my bridal shower, my bachelorette weekend, and two Aufrufs (being called to the Torah before marriage). So it may be six months until the actual wedding, but it's even sooner until pre-wedding parties. And, we've already had two engagement parties, which were both equally fabulous, so we've got that under our belts!

3. Tomorrow, Oct. 1, also marks the official month of my surgery. I don't have to say I will get my expander out, and my implants in, NEXT month; come tomorrow, it will be happening THIS month, and that's a major, major milestone, and something to be insanely excited about.

4. In a few days, Oct. 4, Sean and I will celebrate our three-year anniversary! Three years of being together is amazing, and I've loved every single second of it. Here's to the next million years!

So many things are happening today, and will be happening in the days to come. We're making way with wedding, health and other countdowns, and that's something to be excited about! This just proves, as the days move on, life does move on. And as much as I'm trying to "live in the moment," and live as balanced as possible without too many ups and downs, and ups that are so up they turn into downs, it's still exciting to have countdowns. Because part of me believes after my next surgery, after my expander is out and my implants are in, and after I've recovered, a sense of normalcy will be restored to my life. But that may not be the case. I may still be as anxious as before, or maybe I'll be better because I'll be in less pain and I'll know the surgery's over. Or maybe it will just take time. Maybe I'll get a little bit closer with each passing day, week and month. And the further away I get from the breast cancer, the better I'll feel. I won't know for sure, and that's really OK. After all, I'm taking everything one day at a time.
This has been a really difficult few months for me and I know the effects of breast cancer will be eternal. These two things, which I just typed, are things I've maybe always said and thought, but never really ACCEPTED. And maybe I still don't accept them fully. Because this whole time I've been going around and around trying to either make the best of the situation by over-doing it, or allowing myself to be a mess, or whatever. It's always been circles and cycles. It's been trying to plan and get excited about the best moment in my life while also dealing with, on a daily basis, one of the worst things that's ever happened in my life. To say these past few months have been "difficult" are really an understatement and don't even really describe everything. But it's a statement that's true. And what's interesting about this whole breast cancer journey is that I'm learning new things about it, and its effects on me and my life, every single day. And sometimes, I can repeat the same statements, but each time they take on a new meaning. And I'm not really sure if that means I'm moving forward or not; it just means I can look at the situation a little differently, whether it's better or worse. And I guess that's better than never, ever looking at it differently. I mean, changing views can be a good thing because it means my mind is working and turning. And saying that - that this has been a difficult few months for me - helps somewhat because it allows me to look at the situation as a whole, and not as little individual pieces, which is what I've been doing lately. The whole of it is: this is an extremely difficult time in my life. Saying it like that suggests it's just that: a "time" in my life and not my whole life. And saying the effects of breast cancer are eternal does make me mad but it also brings me closer to acceptance. Forever I'll know, and maybe even be reminded every day, that I lost a breast to cancer and that I have implants. I may love them and they may look good, but it isn't really me. And that's OK too, to have those thoughts.
So I've learned, through writing this post, that whatever thoughts I have now about my breast cancer and the wedding, may not be the same thoughts I have six months from now, or even two weeks from now. And THAT is good to know. And THAT is life moving on.
The wheels are turning, both on the inside and on the outside, and that's something we can all be grateful for.