Here and now

Sean and I have been so lucky to have not one, but two, family engagement parties in our honor! One was held in the Philadelphia area by Sean's parents, and the other was in Northern Virginia by my aunt and uncle and other family members. What's been so special about these parties is not only the love and blessings both of our families have given us about our engagement, but the attention to detail and focus on what Sean and I love. Besides the colors pink, white and black (our wedding colors) and our names on baked goods, there were flowers and candles and candies and sushi and wine - all the most marvelous things. And the food! So much wonderful food. So elegant, so classy, so "us."
From the time we got engaged up until the day of the wedding, is, and will be, a constant celebration. There's always the "Mazel Tovs" and good wishes, the cards that fill up the refrigerator door, the gifts, the planning of parties, the parties, more planning, more planning. It's been a wild ride of fun and excitement. Besides planning the wedding itself, there have been the engagement parties, plus there will be the planning of my bridal shower and bachelorette weekend (which I'll have not much to do with, of course), and the planning of two aufrufs. And the events themselves! Being engaged really is marveous. I told myself, from the moment I got engaged, I was going to enjoy literally every second of being engaged and planning the wedding and pre-wedding parties. And I am doing just that: soaking it all in. Although I am (in my opinion) overly excited about the wedding and can barely sit still when I think about it, I am also reminding myself it is still 7 months away and to enjoy all of the in-between because it only happens once.
Every event so far has been so incredibly joyous and filled with love. Our families, friends and family friends have been overwhelmingly supportive and happy for me and Sean. It feels amazing to have such a cushion almost, of love and blessings. I feel very much lifted up all the time, like I'm on soft, flowy, silky pillows.
To have friends and family just as excited and dedicated to the engagement and wedding as we are is indescribable.
I told my mom a few weeks ago that I was sad I was dealing with breast cancer while planning my wedding. That it wasn't fair I had to try on wedding dresses while wearing a band-aid from a biopsy, or that as I'm discussing centerpieces I feel a little bit of sadness deep down inside about what I'm going through. I told her that I felt like the wedding would never get here because so much has to go on beforehand: surgeries, recoveries, surgeries. And because I still feel so much uncertainty about the future of my treatment. She told me that the wedding is not a tiny speck in the future. It's not one sole thing. It's a variety of things, and I don't have to "wait" to experience them; I already am experiencing them. I already tried on, and chose, a wedding dress, which was a fun experience in itself. Picking the music and the caterer and the centerpieces and the salon were all fun and exciting. Buying my bridal party gifts (a little bit at a time) have all been fun and part of the thrill. The engagement parties. The upcoming shower. The rehearsal dinner. Everything. All the bits and pieces of this wedding are already happening. I'm already LIVING it. This is what my mom told me, and it's true. Instead of worrying about something in the future, I can enjoy the stuff that's already happening. All the components of the wedding are flowing all around my life, and will be for the next 7 months. There's no pause, no break. It's all happening right now, and it's so incredibly marvelous. And I have the rest of my life with Sean. The wedding, yes, is monumentous, and the biggest event in my life. It is a meaningful, happy and amazing occasion. And no matter what, it is going to be special because we'll be surrounded by the people we love, and who love us, most. But you know what? I already have, and will continue to have, what the wedding is a celebration of: getting to spend the rest of my life with the love of my life.